i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
