your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Send help, water and tortillas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
