Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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