Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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