I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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