Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
how does that bad decision feel?
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