Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just pee around me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
