yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
