I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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