you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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