You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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