Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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