What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
