Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
