I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
50% drunk capacity currently
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
