This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
