Pants 0. Shit 1.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
