the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
