I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
