so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Two words: blizzard sex
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I think my moral compass just broke
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