I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
