sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Randomize
