Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
