Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
