you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
