I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
