I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
