dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
