i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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