Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
