Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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