I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Randomize
