Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
