You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
