I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
