I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
