So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
