Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Randomize
