he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
