PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
