I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
