He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
