Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It was confusing and full of hummus
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
