Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
