I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
