R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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