you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
