he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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