Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
