They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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