I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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