you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
