the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
you win again, gameday.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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