Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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