I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
