I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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