i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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