I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
